Melbourne Punch (Vic. : 1855 – 1900), Thursday 11 July 1867, page 4
A DRAMA IN TWO ACTS.
ACT I.—Scene: Post-office.
Enter M’CULLOCH, as Postmaster-General; SECRETARY, BRODIE.
M’C.—Well, Mr. SECRETARY, I understand from you that this man is constantly drunk and totally inefficient; that he neglects his duty to loiter in public-houses, and owns himself to be utterly useless. Now, BRODIE, what have you to say ?
BRODIE.—Well, your Honour, I won’t deny I’ve been irregular— I can’t say as I’ve always been sober—but, then, look at my past services ! Didn’t I raise the Eastern Market for you ? Didn’t I ?
M’C. (savagely)—Hold your tongue, Sir! You’re drunk now !
BRODIE.—Well, and if I am, whose fault is it ? I’ve been celebrating the Mi—Ministerial triumphs (bursts into tears). Fact ish, politichs have demoalished me!
M’C.—Mr. SECRETARY, let this man be dismissed, without compensation. Exit M’C. and BRODIE.
SECRETARY (fervently)—Thank goodness! At last!
ACT II.—Scene: Chief Secretary’s Office. Enter M’CULLOCH, as Chief Secretary; BRODIE.
M’C. (affably) .—Well, BRODIE, what do you want now ?
BRODIE.-—Why, sir, I want a new billet; I can’t stand that Post-office, and it’s just as well the POSTMASTER-GENERAL (grinning) got rid of me, for I should have had to resign. Up and down, like a dog in a fair! never stepping in for a drop of beer—never having a yarn with a friend! Ugh! it’d kill me !
M’C.—Well, well, BRODIE, we’ll see what can be done. If the POSTMASTER-GENERAL (chuckle from M’C. and BRODIE) won’t have you, we must see what the CHIEF SECRETARY can do. Let me see; there’s a Bailiff of Crown Lands wanted—that’ll do for you. No work to speak of—good pay (BRODIE rubs his hands). But, I say, BRODIE, you mustn’t forget the Eastern Market if we want you!
BRODIE.—All right, sir! I’m all there when I’m wanted! (M’C. rings bell. Enter UNDER SECRETARY.)
M’C.’—Have the goodness to see that Mr. BRODIE is gazetted to the vacant office of Bailiff of Crown Lands, UNDER SECRETARY (in dismay).—Is that the sa—person, sir ?
M’C.—What business is that of yours, sir? See that the appointment is properly made out! (Exit M’CULLOCH and BRODIE.)
UNDER SECRETARY (wildly),—Good heavens!